You’re Kind of a Big Deal with Erin King

Erin King is a best-selling author, 3x entrepreneur and the CEO of the Socialite Agency.

You know that friend of yours who is instantly loveable? Not just like “oh she’s cool.” But like “OMG — how do I make her fall madly in love with me, crown me her new BFF, and spend all of her free time with me” level of cool? The one that’s equal parts business genius and charismatic communicator? 

That’s Erin King to me.

She’s a bestselling author, multi-time entrepreneur, and speaks on big ole mega stages teaching people ideas from her two books: Digital Persuasion and You’re Kind Of A Big Deal.

In this episode, we talk about:

• bringing your full self to the stage (and life)

• how to get over the impostor syndrome that’s holding back

• why perm-mullets are never going out of style (at least in Erin’s keynote)

• and how to authorize your big deal energy so you can have the life you want

“The people that make me stop my scroll and think differently and pivot my behaviors and change my perception — all have one in one thing in common: they aren't afraid to be human.”

Erin King is a best-selling author, 3x entrepreneur and the CEO of the Socialite Agency.  She’s helped clients ranging from The Academy Awards in Hollywood to The United States Navy at the Pentagon communicate more compellingly using her award-winning PUB method. She is the author of “Digital Persuasion” and “You’re Kind of a Big Deal” which both draw from her personal and professional experiences having founded three companies before the age of 40. Off-duty, you can find her either mountain biking with her husband Hartman, Facetiming with her huge, crazy Irish family, or being an annoyingly extra dog mom to a cavapoo named Betty White. 

“It's super sustainable because it's just who you are all the time, and it's less exhausting”

Transcript

[00:00:00] Mike Ganino: One of the things that I can not take my eyes away from, which I think is probably our goal. When we get onstage or onscreen somewhere is to become the person that the audience can't stop staring at listening to can't take their eyes away. And one of the things that I'm really drawn to are people who seem like they're just so damn themselves in front of other people.

[00:00:25] Mike Ganino: I think. Like a gift, not only to ourselves, but to other people. That's what the mic drop moment is all about is saying your truth while also spreading some truth to the people in the audience. It's how mic drop moments happen. People are standing up in their truth or on camera or wherever the case is, and saying something that like is true.

[00:00:45] Mike Ganino: And the audience feels that as well. It's not about a zinger or whoa, I just told a great joke. It's about some deep truth telling. And some of that is about who we are so much of our messages, not just the words that we put into place or the perfect side, [00:01:00] actually, most of our messages, not that in fact, our voice and upcoming episode, I'm going to explore this, our voices.

[00:01:05] Mike Ganino: And even the words we say, we often say, I need to find my voice, meaning I need to find the words to say, but the reality is your. As I'm learning from my infant daughter is actually the sound you make, the feelings you make. We're gonna explore that. On another episode. On this episode, I am talking to my good friend, one of my best friends.

[00:01:24] Mike Ganino: I feel like I say my good friend, but this is one of my closest friends, Erin King. She's the author of the brand new book, your kind of a big deal level up by unlocking your audacity. And you better know that I've been reading this one too. To my little daughter Viviana, because I think I think she's a big deal and I think you're a big deal and I think we're all a big deal.

[00:01:42] Mike Ganino: And so does Erin King, by the way, she's a best-selling author, a three-time entrepreneurs, CEO of the socialite agency, and she's helped her clients. This alone is just so cool. Like the academy awards to the United States Navy. The Pentagon she's been teaching them her pub method. It's an [00:02:00] award-winning way to think about digital persuasion, which is also the name of her first book, digital persuasion and her new book.

[00:02:06] Mike Ganino: You.re kind of a big deal is out everywhere. You should go grab copies this new book. You're a big deal level up by unlocking your identity is a really great summer read, actually. So it's great that it's coming out with the kickoff of summer because you feel like you're on this journey with your best friend.

[00:02:22] Mike Ganino: Erin has a way of making everyone feel like they're her best. You feel like you're on a journey with them, but also there's just all this like great personal development. Self-help go get some stuff done and not in a hokey way. The titles of the chapters are funny, right? Tell you what you want, what you really want.

[00:02:38] Mike Ganino: Face your fake news fears. Ghost your inner good girl have become a bad listener. Feel jealous to. Genius. These are all kinds of the names of these chapters. I got to read an early edition way back when she was first creating it. And it is a great book. But on this episode of the show, we are talking about being yourself on [00:03:00] stage, about being a big deal in front of other people and how Erin found that through speaking and storytelling.

[00:03:06] Mike Ganino: And I think you're gonna, you're gonna find some really great gems here to to go out and shine as a big deal yourself. Let's get into it. So you have a story to tell and you wonder how to own the stage and give that killer speech that will captivate the masses. You don't just want to speak to them.

[00:03:23] Announcer Lady: You want to transform your audience. Welcome to the mic drop moment. Bold conversations about public speaking, storytelling and business that give you real world valuable takeaways. So you can craft a speech, a story. And a life that the world can't stop talking about. It's time to find your mic drop moment.

[00:03:44] Announcer Lady: Here's your host, Mike Ganino.

[00:03:47] Mike Ganino: The first thing I have to ask you. For anybody who listens to the show who was like, okay, this is the show about, getting on stage and having your mic drop moment and saying the thing you want to say. My first question to you, Erin King is how did [00:04:00] you get the audacity to be a woman, a beautiful woman who does the makeup of the glam, that everything on stage who stands on stage.

[00:04:11] Mike Ganino: Where does this audacity come from to stand on stage and show? Not only a picture of you doing like Irish river dancing, but also a picture of you in a mullet. Like where does it come from that you think, you know what I, cause I think a lot of people are scared to show those truthful parts of them. And I think for you, it's one of the reason that audiences.

[00:04:33] Mike Ganino: Huge audiences love you and obsessed with you. So where did that come from that you said, you know what? I'm just going to stick a picture of me in a mullet up here, because I don't know a lot of people who'd be brave enough.

[00:04:42] Erin King: Just to be clear, it's going to clarify it's actually a per mullet, which is different than a regular mullet.

[00:04:48] Erin King: The per-mullet is the combination of both perm and mullet coming together. So it's just, I don't mean. Yeah, brag, but it's even better than a mullet. Yeah, I think that when you are, when you're on stage [00:05:00] and you're meeting a room full of people for the first time, think of how you feel when you walk into the old days to a dinner party or a cocktail hour, it can be a little bit scary to say, Hey, this is who I am.

[00:05:12] Erin King: Nice to meet you. Knowing that everyone is judging you and trying to figure out who you are as fast as possible using. Clues about how you look and how you sound that maybe even had nothing to do with who you are, but it's just how we evaluate each other. It's humans. And so I think stepping on stage is the awkward cocktail party, sweat times 800,000 as Mike.

[00:05:34] Erin King: And so one of the things that you've taught me in working with you over the years is just how important it is to find common ground, whether you're presenting on stage or you're in a cocktail party or you're on the internet. People are going to gravitate towards you if they feel like they've been there.

[00:05:50] Erin King: And there's nothing that we've all been able to connect to more than her and his haircut. So that's where it stem from.

[00:05:59] Mike Ganino: And I loved [00:06:00] it that the per mullet, which I think is probably worse than a mullet, it's it's the apex of a mullet shaping.

[00:06:07] Erin King: Absolutely.

[00:06:07] Mike Ganino: I think so. I love that.

[00:06:10] Mike Ganino: Not only does it get weaved in there, but you use. Also you bring in talking about your mom and talking about setting your mom on on FaceTime and just setting her down next to you while you're doing a million things and you make this joke about she deserved it because of that haircut like this.

[00:06:26] Mike Ganino: I don't feel any guilt at all. And I think that it's a really interesting thing that you do that throughout your keynote, you weave in the. Things about your life, things like that, that people can relate to that someone in the audience is oh my gosh, I have that mother. I have that.

[00:06:42] Mike Ganino: Mother-in-law I have that best friend. I know that I have a friend. I will only call her when I'm driving, because then I can just put the phone in the cradle, in the car and just drive through the LA traffic and she'll just talk the whole time. And it's she just needs to talk for an hour and she doesn't care as long as every once in a while I say, oh [00:07:00] yeah.

[00:07:00] Mike Ganino: And there's something so relatable about that. And yet you're not a. Fluff speaker, you're not someone who's going to conferences and just talking about your life and what's up, like all of this is related to business. So what, how did that come about where you said, actually there are these places where the things that I've the things in my life like this story of the mullet or the story of the riverdancing these things are relatable to this topic for this audience.

[00:07:26] Mike Ganino: And I can make sense of that. How did you like. Weave that together, that made sense.

[00:07:32] Erin King: One of the things, again, not to be making you think that you're even cooler than you already are Mike, but I have learned so much from you and your storytelling prowess. And one of the things you taught me when we had that first afternoon together here in Newport, where we first fell in love, you taught me that all the stories that we have in our lives, whether it's bad haircuts or.

[00:07:53] Erin King: Super random hobbies, like hopping around like a loony little leprechaun for most of our childhood, which [00:08:00] resulted in massive calves that do not do well with a lot of the styles of shoes and footwear these days. But you taught me that in each of those stories, there can be multiple. Takeaway Proverbs, there can be multiple ways to land that plane in a way that not only the audience sees themselves, but that they're able to walk away and say, all right.

[00:08:20] Erin King: Yeah, I get that. Like for my Irish dancing story, I talk about how I went to the world, Irish dancing championships. And when I went there, I came in dead. So I'm the worst in the world for my category in that moment with Irish dancing and being 15 years old in the already very confidence boosting environment of a high school, an all girls high school, I literally came home and I'm like going from the highest high of MC in the United States of America to being, in my mind, a loser and all of a sudden, there's this really interesting dichotomy of you can be a big fish in a smaller pond.

[00:08:50] Erin King: You can be at the teeniest saddest fish in a massive pond, but it was this really interesting. World opening, literally view that the world's such a big [00:09:00] place and that it's an unwinnable game to always try to compete or be the best because it just goes on and on. It's always a bigger boat. It's always a better dancer.

[00:09:08] Erin King: There's always win prettier, rich years, skinny or smarter. And so it was this really weird. Understanding that I got. And so when I share that with the audience, we map it back to digital communication, which is a place where we are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone's highlight reel in our newsfeed and saying, oh, I am more successful than that person, but I'm chasing down this person or that person's more beautiful or funnier, this person, we're always trying to find our pecking order and find our hierarchy.

[00:09:37] Erin King: And I think that story. I've been the worst in the world at something everyone can remember a time where they realize that it's an unwinnable game. And so they can free themselves from the emotional anguish and mental torture that can come with unintentional, social media scrolling.

[00:09:54] Mike Ganino: Yeah. There's something about your, not just your talk. It is really like [00:10:00] for me, I talk about this idea of somebody having a through line and the through line, isn't like the through line of this speech, the through line of this book, the through line of this movie for people like you and I, the through line is like what kind of always about regardless of where you see me, if you see me on clubhouse, which you, by the way are like the star of clubhouse, Oprah Winfrey, doing your daily show over there with legions of fans following you. So everyone go check out Erin on clubhouse. If you want to see how to be dynamic on audio, because she obviously she's dynamic on stage.

[00:10:33] Mike Ganino: She's booked so often, but also dynamic on audio, but also. Dynamic on Instagram, dynamic on the page. I got to read some little early snippets of your next book. That's coming out. You're a big deal. How to level up by unlocking the audacity June 1st, everybody, by the way, I'll plug it. Erin doesn't have to, there's something in your through line that is so clear in everything you do around.

[00:10:59] Mike Ganino: That none of it [00:11:00] feels manipulative. For example, I think there are people who would get on stages and they would tell the like heartbreak story in order to manipulate the audience. And it feels to me that your through line, through everything through. Your book, digital persuasion through your keynote through is about finding these connection points and using your stories to do that instead of using them to manipulate the audience into buying the next thing, does that feel right?

[00:11:27] Erin King: And what you're bringing up, Mike is so interesting. speaking of clubhouse, we had a really rich dialogue around this topic and we coined it digital catfishing. Which is this phenomenon that I don't know if you've observed this in your own newsfeed, but there is this, it became trendy.

[00:11:45] Erin King: It became a, the popular thing for people to be crying on Tik TOK and being vulnerable and peeling back the layers to the point of TMI oversharing. Mayhem that we find ourselves in now, in my opinion. And so [00:12:00] what's interesting is the whole conversation was like, what do you do if there are people in your life, in.

[00:12:04] Erin King: Offline. And then you see them online. And what they're doing is it feels like engineered sympathy grabbing, or it feels like manufactured moments in order to manipulate or intentionally elicit some kind of emotional response. And the conversation was fascinating, Mike, and I know you've seen this in your newsfeed and what we ultimately settled on was just that two things.

[00:12:27] Erin King: One. Audiences are so well we are the audience. We are all smarter than we look. We can smell fake a mile away. And however, tempting it can be whether, so for us as speakers, Mike, we all, I, for me, at least I've seen certain speakers on stage, you included and I walk away and yes, I have the incredible talking points, but then there's a part of me is Gosh, if only I could be as polished as Mike, or if only I could be as witty as this person or as physical as that person, or, you take these attributes that you admire and you start to think what if I could [00:13:00] channel them or, we say we're being inspired by them, but really we're copying them.

[00:13:02] Erin King: And it's so funny because every single time that you try that, whether you're. Tracking that at work, or you're trying that on social media, you're trying to channel someone else or manufacture a certain response or an emotional feedback loop from your audience. 10 out of 10 times, it falls flat because people can feel it's not coming from a place of being genuine and coming from a place of really the fear that does transpire when you are actually being genuine.

[00:13:30] Erin King: So the second thing we talked about. The fact that it does take a lot of guts and it does take audacity to show up as who you really are on a stage or on a page or on a podcast or in real life. Because the reason that we don't do it is because we fear people's reactions to us so deeply. And for good reason, people on the internet are mean to your face and people in real life from you behind your back.

[00:13:54] Erin King: So either way, and there's a reason why we have that fear to show up. Being who we really [00:14:00] are without trying to channel someone else or manufacturer engineer and emotion. So I think that advice just be yourself is so it's so lovely and warm and so hard to actually enact, especially when the world says be yourself verbally, but the nonverbal Telegraph is but fit.

[00:14:19] Mike Ganino: And so here's this interesting thing that I'm thinKing of, as you say, this is there's the the phone or ability, right? The like phone vulnerability, where it's oh and some of this started because the fame of public speaKing and we were watching some of these people who are out there doing it, who.

[00:14:34] Mike Ganino: Are doing it to sell something at the back of the room. And so they have to engineer a very fast relationship that ends in someone giving money for something and, and the way to do that, the way to control things is with these stories. And so I think a lot of people look towards these people who I think are a few generations Past now as public speakers.

[00:14:55] Mike Ganino: And we're even seeing some of these people who have very big platforms, several New York times [00:15:00] bestselling books, who, whether they're going through very public divorces, whether they're going through very public, like everything you thought about them, wasn't true because of their response to something like black lives matter.

[00:15:13] Mike Ganino: There's I think a crumbling of. The facade of oh, you could just cry on camera. You could tell your vulnerability story about a time that someone stubbed your toe and now that's how you learn to become a multimillionaire. And I feel like we're starting to read that more because we have more examples of that.

[00:15:34] Mike Ganino: And there's something interesting. You were talking about authenticity and showing up as your. And one of the things that I think is really beautiful about you, I've seen you, I've seen you on stage. I've seen you on the page. I've seen you, I feel like I've Dr. Seuss in a box with a Fox, you're one of my really good friends.

[00:15:50] Mike Ganino: I've seen you on a boat. Like one of the things I love about you is that version of you that is online. And that version of you that is onstage, is the [00:16:00] same person who is messy, but. In Catalina with your friends, like you really do feel the same all the time. And I think the challenge for people on the be yourself is that we've been sold.

[00:16:14] Mike Ganino: That there's like a certain self that's more acceptable to be like the be yourself is great advice. Like you said, it's warm and fuzzy, but. Be yourself wind because it's interesting authenticity and I'm working on, as I'm like playing with this idea for this new book. Be authentic and be yourself as such common advice.

[00:16:35] Mike Ganino: We give people for being on video for being on stage for showing up as a leader. But the challenge with that is that to actually be authentic, you just have to be really present to how you feel every day and be willing to find ways to reveal yourself that are appropriate instead of seeKing out this like idealized version of yourself.

[00:16:56] Mike Ganino: And I think you're an interesting example of that because there's, [00:17:00] you're very open about the companies you started. You had a tampon company, you had a digital agency that I think you and I have heard you say like really flopped in a way, because of the way you were focusing on business and for someone who stands on stage and gives advice and teaches, and is loved by so many people, it's rare.

[00:17:23] Mike Ganino: Someone is willing to show up and tell those stories. So did that happen in the moment where if someone's listening and they're like, oh, I've had some bad things happen. That could be helpful to people, but I'm scared to share it because I don't want them to view me as a loser. I don't want them to view me as someone who didn't know what they were doing.

[00:17:39] Mike Ganino: How did you get comfortable with that? Because you're revealing when you talk about it and I think helpful to people, but I think it's scary.

[00:17:46] Erin King: It's interesting what you were alluding to earlier, this sort of evolution in how we Revere and respond to experts. Having evolved over the last couple of years is [00:18:00] just.

[00:18:01] Erin King: What used to work just doesn't land the way it used to. I don't know if it got tired or the world changed a little bit or what but, so I don't know that it's so much me, having some secret, ballsy, babe energy that no one else has. I think it's more just to your point, being relevant and in tune with riding the wave of this chapter in history where we are, which is that people don't have the same trust.

[00:18:25] Erin King: Big government and big institutions and big brands. And we aren't looKing for the Sage on the stage. We really resonate with these guides on the side and. And I think, when I smell the time on clubhouse, as you said earlier, and it's just so funny because whenever these, this is not always demographic, I don't mean to be ageist, but it does tend to be, for the most part, people of a certain demographic and and gender or background, and they tend to come up and they do this I made eight figures with this one email hack, and I just think that we're smarter now than that.

[00:18:56] Erin King: And I just, there's a part of me that is paying attention to the people that resonate for me and the people that make me stop my scroll and think differently and pivot my behaviors and change my perception. And those people all have one in one thing in common and that's that they aren't afraid to be human.

[00:19:17] Erin King: Now, there is a level of that to your point when you're talking about what's appropriate and what's proper. As there's also a credibility factor here. Everyone with an iPhone can have an opinion on the internet. And so how do you also distinguish yourself as someone who should be taKing up space and being listened to?

[00:19:34] Erin King: And I think that a big piece of that is always be yourself. Yes. Tell your stories. Yes. Share what you know. Yes. Admit what you don't. Yes. And. I think that as long as you're always sharing experiences that are scars and not wounds, that kind of helps you walk that line a little better. So sharing what you learned from this [00:20:00] thing, that's at least a scab, if not a scar, something that you've.

[00:20:04] Erin King: You went through, but it's healing or it's pretty much healed or it has healed versus speaKing from a space of the open gaping wound, because then you're just on the same page as your audience. And no one has an answer and everyone's looKing at you, they're like, oh my God, we're all bleeding. We're all dying.

[00:20:18] Erin King: There's no answer. So that's the part, I think that's the guide is when I'm sharing my stories and I'm sharing what I know. I just always make sure there's a little bit of a scab or more preferably a scar in place so that I can't offer. Maybe it's not the answer, but it was what worked for me.

[00:20:32] Erin King: And hopefully that'll trigger something to help you figure out what's going to work for you. .

[00:20:37] Mike Ganino: There seems to be something about the self-indulgence of, I need to share this story cause I need to get it off my chest versus I need to share it. Like the litmus that I use with people is.

[00:20:47] Mike Ganino: Identifiable takeaway and insight has it happened yet, because if it hasn't happened yet, then this story probably doesn't deserve in front of people yet it might belong that you should tell this story that you should go to a storytelling night that you should do [00:21:00] this. But if you don't yet have an insight, whether you say it on stage, It doesn't matter.

[00:21:05] Mike Ganino: Is there an insight in the story the audience can pull from besides? Oh my gosh. It's really sad that this happened to this person. When I've worked with people who are like, like astronauts or climbed Mount Everest and did these amazing things, one of the challenges they have, we all look at them.

[00:21:20] Mike Ganino: I think as speakers, sometimes I look and I say oh my God, I wish I had that story. Do you know what I could do if I was an astronaut? And it's like, all I have is like stories about worKing at pizza hut with my grandma and like dad stories, and so I look at that, but one of the things that I've learned, and that was like at the beginning of my speaKing career, as somebody who coaches people for this, what I've learned is that it's really hard for those epic speakers.

[00:21:47] Mike Ganino: It's really hard for them because their stuff is so unrelatable that if they just talk about space, And being at space, it's I don't even know what the heck does that have to do with me? And so they have to work really hard to say, what's the [00:22:00] human connection piece here that someone in the audience would say, oh, I get the insight because if they say, you know what it's like when you're sitting on the edge of space, staring back at earth, the audience is no, I have no clue what that's like.

[00:22:14] Mike Ganino: So they have to find that. And it's interesting that maybe the rest of us with our smaller stories have an easier way to connect with people and to show something. But we have to have lived to the insight. We have to have the, like the reason you do this actually, and you teach this so well, when you're in your main content at the social media spot, you do a really good job of teaching this and digital persuasion your book.

[00:22:39] Mike Ganino: Around how to take the personal and make it make it universal. You talk about flipping the focus and even if it's our story, how can we involve them as well?

[00:22:50] Mike Ganino: You have a new book coming out called You're Kind of A Big Deal: Level Up By Unlocking Your Audacity coming out June 1st available for pre-order everywhere. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. [00:23:00] And last summer I got to, I got a little sneak peek into some bits of it.

[00:23:08] Mike Ganino: I remember you looking at some of the places in there and saying, is this story ready to tell, am I not ready to tell it? Is this mine to tell what I haven't read the final book yet. I ordered my numerous copies that I can share with folks, but I. How did you end up coming out on the other side of that?

[00:23:28] Mike Ganino: Where did you end up falling and saying, these are the stories I need to tell. These are the ones that shouldn't go in here. How did you make that decision?

[00:23:34] Erin King: I got super clear on who this book is for. And I think that's the difference in creating stories that are fun to tell and fun to relive when you tell them and they get a laugh and they are entertaining or they're shocking or mean we can find those all day.

[00:23:49] Erin King: But to your point earlier, what is going to pull that insight for the audience that has them stop the scroll or stop reading and have them see a place where. In their life, [00:24:00] they can pull from that and they can, they could actually do something different and not just talk about it or think about it or wish for it.

[00:24:06] Erin King: So I got really super clear on who my audience was for. And one of them, my avatar, my persona for my audience is one of my best friends. This guy named Ashley Jackson, who I call Sarge because she's five one, and she stomps around. She's really bossy. I love it though. And so I just, honestly, I printed.

[00:24:23] Erin King: Physically printed out at a printer that we don't have in our office, that I went to the office store here in town and print it out on real paper. And I just tacked up a huge picture of her behind my computer. And when I was writing and sharing my stories, I just kept checking back in with this my weekend at Bernie's version of Sarge here on the wall.

[00:24:41] Erin King: And just looking at her like, is she. Rolling our eyes. Is she falling asleep? Is she looking at her phone or she leaning forward and saying, tell me more. So I just kept regrounding myself on, does this land for the audience this female entrepreneurial network marketing small business entrepreneurial audience does this matter [00:25:00] for them?

[00:25:00] Erin King: Because there are stories and you're so good at this. Mick is finding the stories. We can all relate to those universal stories from childhood. From milestones in life that we all go through and there are multiple ways to find that through line or that insight, that thread and some of our. That you were saying earlier I didn't walk on the moon, but I didn't have my, I have my B2B in my little world, my moon, my moonwalk moments.

[00:25:22] Erin King: And, are those just to show off and impress people, that I fired a fortune 100 company at San Francisco, cause I'm such a bad-ass blah-blah-blah and that just make me beat my chest and sound like a cool person or so I think, which has the opposite by the way, or is it really to, is it to show off or is it to serve?

[00:25:39] Erin King: Is it going to actually. Help someone look in their own life and say, oh my God, that is so me. There's nothing better. And you know that you get them all the time and your DMS, when someone messages you and is are you at my house right now? I so seen I feel so attacked. This is so me right now.

[00:25:54] Erin King: And whenever you get that, you it's because that means that you're showing up to do the work that people need. And you're serving, you're [00:26:00] not just out there being another douche bag on the internet, bragging about your Maserati and your email hack. Because the more that people, I think, try to convince with their big stories on clubhouse and spending so much time down this black hole of this app, but there is a major, there's two groups of people on this app.

[00:26:17] Erin King: I There are the people that are still. Shouting about other, moonwalk stories and they're big stories that are impressive and admirable, but I'm kinda like, man, that's not me. I can never do that. And you do, you tune out, you jump out of the room which is the nice part about clubhouse.

[00:26:29] Erin King: Not like in real life, when you're stuck in the middle of row four and you have to keep to suffer through. But but yeah, I think that there's something about I think about, Mike and I, our group in particular, on the stage being that we are traditionally underrepresented groups as keynote speakers on stage, because there are still not a lot of Mike and errands on stage.

[00:26:49] Erin King: I think that some of us, not you, but for me, I tend to still fight my knee jerk habit of trying to over prove myself. [00:27:00] Of trying to over establish credibility and beat my chest and do this bravado masculine keynote speaker energy that I've seen work for a Daniel pink or, like these other beings speakers.

[00:27:13] Erin King: And I think that what's interesting about being authentic and being audacious and being yourself and back to your. Original question of like how you just show up and not have code switching and multiple versions of yourself that you're pertaining to the world. I think you have to trust that you deserve to be somewhere and that people aren't questioning your credibility as much as you are.

[00:27:36] Erin King: And so I think it's really about, and part of my book, this whole, you're a big deal. One of the concepts is unlocking your BDM. Which is your big deal energy. And so the big deal energy is about the fact that like the energy source within you, that knows you're a big deal, not in an asshole braggy douchey way, but just the fact that, you have what it takes, you're competent, you deserve to [00:28:00] be here.

[00:28:00] Erin King: You've worked hard. You've put in the reps, you're there to serve. Knowing in your heart that you are, the big deal are ready no matter what happens by even showing up and having the audacity to step on that stage or show up on that live or send that email, or do that presentation or create that podcast or that book or that moment, or write that card that you're scared to do that person that you care about, whatever it is.

[00:28:24] Erin King: You're already a big deal for having shown up and done it. And when you believe that in your heart first, all the rest follows, you don't have to worry so much about how you're perceived and how everyone's thinking about you and judging you and taking you seriously because I'm telling you right now, there is a stat that I keep across when I was running my social media agency for them.

[00:28:43] Erin King: That stopped me in my tracks. And it was some study where they were tracking how much time we spend on our social media profiles. And the study said that we actually spend the most time on social media staring at our own profiles and our own content contemplating [00:29:00] how the world may or may not be perceiving it.

[00:29:03] Erin King: Wow. I don't know who is going to admit to that, but this study said that there are the most profile views from the user that owns that profile. And so we're sitting here what is everyone thinking? And the reality is that they aren't really thinking about you and you can get bummed out about that and feel small about that.

[00:29:22] Erin King: Or you can use it as this like liberating realization. It's freedom that when you do release. All this wasted energy around your personal brand and your perception, you do bring to the table, your best self, obviously your best foot forward, like you would for a job interview or a date. Of course, you don't just show up, in your bathroom, you show up ready to rock, like the big deal that you are.

[00:29:44] Erin King: And you take all that energy that you might waste on. What is everyone thinking? Am I credible? Do they believe me? Are they getting. Am I prepared and I'm making the impact. How's this going to go? You can take all of that and redistribute it back into where it matters, which is [00:30:00] doing the work you're there to do.

[00:30:01] Erin King: And so I find it to be super freeing on a lot of levels to just remind yourself of these different. He's different truths before you even show up. And it just, it makes it more fun. It makes you more successful. And the most important thing is you're telegraphing. Those big deal vibes, that big deal energy, and that you are who you are online or offline.

[00:30:21] Erin King: It's, there's a, I read a, I read an article, someone who was a younger actor was talking about being cast in a film with Meryl Streep and was getting ready for the message that sometimes happens when you're cast with someone like that. You get the message ahead of time of Hey, here's the rules.

[00:30:36] Erin King: Don't look at them. Don't don't walk by them. They eat first, don't do this. Don't ask them for advice. And she was saying that none of that happened. That, that she was like, just walked onto set and it was just Meryl Streep was there. And if that kind of energy of I don't need to do any of that because I'm just so confidently here.

[00:30:55] Erin King: I don't need to say that I've, sold seven, seven figures yesterday [00:31:00] morning in my robe. And that, I once graced to the stage where Michelle Obama winked at someone, like we don't need to put all of that in there because the rest of it is enough. Reminds me of that, of big deal energy. Meryl Streep has big deal energy.

[00:31:14] Erin King: And for me, Erin, you have big deal energy because I just, I've been a fortunate person to see you as a friend, the way you walk into a hotel, the way you walk into a restaurant, you have that all the time and you never need to take it out and swing it at people. I think your husband does as well.

[00:31:34] Erin King: I think Phil has really big deal enters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Phil is very and different than you. And I think you and I are very similar in a way that like no, but like we have a lot of public energy. Our energy is very directed outwards and Phil's energy feels probably more like middle street, maybe.

[00:31:51] Erin King: Which I'm taking that as a biggest compliment to me because I married someone that I just compared to Meryl Streep. So that's about me right now. I'm not using, I'm [00:32:00] not using the pub method here. I'm just worried about myself is narrow streets, Meryl Streep somewhere. I was like, what is this hashtag there's something about, about about that, that I do.

[00:32:13] Erin King: I see that's so much more attractive to people. And it's. I look at, we were talking earlier about this kind of new age leader, the, who are we following now? Who are we going after now? And it feels like the other, it feels sustainable to me in a way, because that other side of, I just did the biggest book deal.

[00:32:34] Erin King: I just did this launch. I just it's every single day of your life, you have to be living up to some shark tank moment of. Of this apex moment all the time. And there's something about the way that, that you do it and the way that you're teaching us to do it in, you're a big deal that you can have all of that.

[00:32:56] Erin King: And it's super sustainable because it's just who you are all the time and it's less exhausting. Yeah, because like the, to do big deal things, to create big deal projects, to start a big deal, family, to launch a big deal, podcasting being, doing venture raise big deal capital. Even if you want to go on a big deal diet, whatever your big deal is right now that you're facing down, that takes a shitload.

[00:33:22] Erin King: Oh, can we cut? Sorry. It takes a ton. So classy. It takes a ton of energy and. It's it's so there's all these all these studies and all these books out right now around energy management, which I am way more interested in than time management, because I will be the first one to admit that time management is something that I struggle with very much.

[00:33:43] Erin King: Our mutual friend Neen James is a time management Maven. She has time-blocking systems and attention systems, and she always preaches that systems create. I know that you're pretty organized Mike, with how you run your business. I have several friends, Judy Holler, Amy Landino they're so organized.

[00:33:59] Erin King: They teach [00:34:00] organization via these beautiful planners and they're all just better people than I am. And I try, I really do try. And more than time management. I feel that energy management is something that is a super power for me. That is harder to quantify, obviously, because you can't put your energy into like spreadsheets and columns and to do lists.

[00:34:21] Erin King: But I feel like that is really a huge key to accomplishing your big deal aspirations because when you're spending so much time. So for example, a small example. So I were the exact same thing onstage. In the old days before everything was virtual back in the oldest, back in the dark ages, gathered around the fire and young ones.

[00:34:40] Erin King: But back in the old days, we used to go on stages in big convention centers and coliseums and all this fun stuff. And I would wear the exact same color dress. 10 or 12 dresses of various sizes. Like I have the PMs dress, which is two sizes larger, for a little bit of like sad, poor me, Ben and Jerry's okay.

[00:34:58] Erin King: I have the really been on the program following my fitness influencers size, which are two sizes smaller. I have my normal size, I had different size dresses, if it's like the pound demic that's like a TBD size that still needs to be purchased, but they're all different sizes, but they're all the same color.

[00:35:12] Erin King: And the reason I do that is not because I have this amazing. Personal brand strategy, but because the color makes me feel powerful, it makes me feel like a big deal. It's bright pink, and I have just removed, which for women and men can be. A huge energy suck of what am I going to wear to make sure this audience perceives me or likes me or that I Telegraph a certain thing or that I look appropriate?

[00:35:37] Erin King: Is it too sexy? Is it not sexy enough to business Bubba? You go through this whole gamut every time. And I realized I was wasting hours, which sounds ridiculous, but I'm not really a fast fashionista. As Mike, I'm more of jeans and a trucker hat, but it was so much energy.

[00:35:50] Erin King: Trying to work on this alpha that I just said, screw it. And the energy management move was find something that you are comfortable with that makes you feel good, [00:36:00] that you don't have to think about it. And so you can just show up and do you, and so I don't know what. Energy saving big deal, energy saving tactic might be.

[00:36:08] Erin King: But I think it's really important to identify one area where you are wasting energy. That could be better channeled towards moving the needle on your big deal goal that you really care about, but actually matters. And that's my little teeny hack and I stole it from obviously the Steve jobs turtleneck and the Zuckerberg sweatshirt.

[00:36:25] Erin King: It's a classic move that a lot of people use. If there's something in your life, if you're listening to this, then you could maybe automate something that doesn't matter so that you can move that energy to where it does. For me, that has been just a game changer in terms of, and it's audacious too.

[00:36:39] Erin King: Cause it's she wears the same thing every time that I'm sure people are like, I've even been asked what is it? What's the message. What's the big strategy. I'm like nothing. I don't want to spend time. The worry about what I'm wearing, what I need to be focusing on creating the slide that only comes to you with 60 minutes to Showtime.

[00:36:54] Erin King: That happens every time. So it's like you have to focus on what matters. So I think that that's one little hack of how to [00:37:00] unlock your big deal energy. And I think it's really interesting too, this idea of kind of energy management to. Even cleaner, clearer, more lived in around your big deal energy, because it also is really, I was, as you're saying this, I thought, of course, this is no one else could say this in this way.

[00:37:19] Erin King: Like when I think about, when I look at like my favorite speakers and oddly the people I'm super attracted to. For being friends with as well. It's those people that live in that kind of middle of the Venn diagram between being really compelling storytellers, being really brilliant performers, knowing how they need to show up to serve people.

[00:37:37] Erin King: And in that situation, whether it's. Friends on a boat or whether it's onstage in front of thousands of people. And they're also the third part of that Venn diagram is they have really original ideas. They have something to say. And when you find someone like that, you start to see all of the clues.

[00:37:52] Erin King: And so even as you're saying that Erin, I'm seeing. The way that you [00:38:00] explain the big deal energy and using your story of that, that only you could say that only you could say that only you could do it in that way. And I think that feels to me, like also an energy management thing. I'm never going outside of my lane, I'm doing big audacious things.

[00:38:16] Mike Ganino: I'm going bigger. Like you're doing huge events online. You have one of my favorite virtual keynote demos, by the way. It's so brilliant. It's so well done. And so truthful. You're doing all these big things. You've got a new book coming out, so it's not that living in your big deal energy to manage your energy is about.

[00:38:34] Mike Ganino: Growing it's about like always playing from your center of gravity. And I think that's, it's the same thing you're saying with this with picking an outfit such as simple ideas that, but there's some truth that saying, who am I and what am I meant to radiate all the time? And for me, that's something that you're, whether you're writing about digital persuasion or you're writing about how to unlock your audacity.

[00:38:58] Mike Ganino: There's something that's undeniably [00:39:00] Erin about it. And I feel like that's how you become, I think that's how you globally become a big deal energy that everyone wants to be around, so do you think that it's easier for you to create because you're so in touch?

[00:39:12] Erin King: First of all, that is so nice. And thank you for just making my already large head, 17 times larger. Because I feel the same way that you've just quick love fast. And I know this is not about us. It's about our audience, but like just for a second, you are the exact same way. There is no one, like you could, they could literally be.

[00:39:27] Erin King: Obviously you have a distinctive voice, but I'm trying to think of a way to explain this, but if someone showed me a website and your picture wasn't on it, and I was just reading how you write, I would know it was you if I walked into a room and and I couldn't see that it was you from behind a screen and someone like, and I could see how the audience was reacting.

[00:39:45] Erin King: Like I would know it was you. You have that same unique brand and Sally Hogshead, who is a mutual NSA (National Speaking Association) member. I just, I think that her tagline on her fascination platform is the most dead on true thing I've ever heard in my life. And she always says, it's [00:40:00] good to be better, but it's better to be doing.

[00:40:03] Erin King: And she's so right. And it's so good. And from the mic drop moment to, I could literally create, if I said I'm looking for a Mike Ganino type of audience, I could explain who your audience is. They love to travel. They love wine. Sense of humor. They love storytelling. They love improv.

[00:40:20] Erin King: They're performers, they're passionate, they're outspoken. They're not afraid to put their stake in the ground. Everyone else be damned. You had the same thing and that's why I think we are so attracted to each other as besties is because it is rare. I guess the question is why, like, why is it, so why do people feel that they can't?

[00:40:39] Erin King: And I know there's a lot of reasons to get unpacked from childhood. Certainly growing. I dunno how it was. Why do you know that your child had actually, but I actually know your whole story. But so when we were growing up a lot of times in my house, especially I think or for me, we were, achievement equal affection in my house, the points in the board and that's true of every kid, like good job you obviously, but [00:41:00] to an extent, the cleaning, the room, the a, the watching my younger sister, who's 10 years younger, doing things, not being not rocking the boat.

[00:41:07] Erin King: If I was promised something that didn't happen, all these like good girl behaviors were rewarded with physical affection. And so I really did develop a little bit of a good girl complex, as shocking as that is. And I think that for a lot of us that grew up in those types of environments, maybe we still have some leftover ghosts of good girls past that does keep us afraid of playing outside the lines.

[00:41:33] Erin King: And yeah, I know every single time in my child, I can remember three times in my childhood where. I really tried to step into my big deal energy. And even though it's yeah, go girl, be yourself. That is not what the world means. The world is no girl, get back in line, shut up. No one wants to hear it.

[00:41:48] Erin King: We don't have time for this like enough. I Whether it was like, I I grew up I grew up in the Catholic church. Uncles that were really good, genuine kind priests, like the scary, disgusting priests that you hear about the do exist. [00:42:00] They were like the good ones. And I remember asking them if I could be like an altar server, because back then that was like a really big honor before he found out all the like horrible, terrifying, disgusting crimes that happened back then, it was like an honor.

[00:42:11] Erin King: Okay. I didn't know the whole thing. I was a kid. But I remember them being like girls can't do that. And I went to the Monsignor and he was like, absolutely not. And then I remember them being almost like. Instead of it being encouraging in third grade wow, she's trying to be a part of this church community.

[00:42:24] Erin King: It was very much. Negative backlash, like a negative response. And then I remember, being in middle school and my mom really wanted a certain type of daughter and I was starting to step into my own and shed some of these good girl layers. And, I started skateboarding and I cut off my hair.

[00:42:37] Erin King: Sun and in my hair, which as we know, if you're a brunette that makes your hair bright carrot orange, which is not a slide that I've made yet, but I'm going to, and, I was listening to like grunge music. I love Nirvana. And I was, I did the nineties grunge kid thing and my parents were like, Country club, like where's the pearls and the Sherbert sweater and the golf lessons, like what happened to our talker?

[00:42:59] Erin King: And I remember my mom used to be like, okay, this week's going to be the new you. And she would try to force me to be someone, that I wasn't, and all the angsty, middle school stuff. And you just think of these little moments that are stupid, but over time they add up to, I think, making it something that.

[00:43:15] Erin King: Yeah, just showing up as who you are and being audacious and being someone like you, who shares your opinion online and doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks like you show up big and bold and beautiful and authentic. And I think that it's not some, oh, Mike has this thing and Erin has this thing. We don't just have this thing.

[00:43:31] Erin King: We are intentional about it. We work on it. We choose to. Take a look and say, look, it's not about being some asshole who doesn't care, even thinks about you. Oh, I don't care. Anyone thinks that's ridiculous. Anyway, you does not care. What anyone thinks about them is a narcissistic psychopath who is just lying because if no one cared, what anyone thought about you, social media would not be thriving the way it is.

[00:43:54] Erin King: First of all. And secondly, when the stakes are the highest and you're at a crossroads [00:44:00] and something does not. It's not that you don't care what people think, because we want people who we love to love what we do. We want people who we love to love our decisions and love our choices. What it is about though is when the stakes are highest and it really fucking matters, you just have to care more about what you think that's all it comes down to.

[00:44:21] Erin King: And that is really easier said than done. So I think that there's a really a big tendency that meme on social media with the iceberg where it's like, what is up here. And then below the water is all the hard work and the energy and the perseverance and the crying and the debt and the anxiety attacks and all the things.

[00:44:35] Erin King: I think that is a similar question, which is long story long as usual way of answering it is that, it's like you and I just show up and we're just like this. And we work at it. We read, we dare ourselves. We're intentional. We set goals. We set the, your experience. To use our friends, Judy hollers phrase.

[00:44:47] Erin King: We manage our energy. We think about what we're taking in, what we're consuming. And then we're not just taking it out at its word. We're thinking. Yeah. But what else? And is that true? And is there another. And what's your lens on it. And I think [00:45:00] anyone can do that. That is something that any.

[00:45:02] Erin King: Can unlock. Everyone has big energy. Everyone has audacity. It's just whether or not you choose to have the balls to unlock it.

[00:45:09 ]Mike Ganino: And there you go. That was a mic drop moment straight from Erin King. Almost like it was a page ripped out of her brand new book,You're Kind Of A Big Deal: Level Up By Unlocking Your Audacity

[00:45:21] Mike Ganino: I've got my copy here. I've got a bunch of copies on order to share with people that I know need a reminder, that they are a big deal. So if you were if you're looking for that reminder, this summer and a fun book to read, to re inspire you to go chase the world and be the audacious person you are then check out Erin's new book it's available.

[00:45:40] Mike Ganino: Everywhere books are sold. You're a big deal. You can check her out@Erinking.com. I'll be back soon. Thanks for listening. See you later.